War

COCKNEYS will be launched from the top of a tower block if someone attacks the Olympics, it has been confirmed.

DAVID Cameron has drawn up secret plans to boost his popularity with an island-based war.

AFGHANS who lost family to a psychotic US soldier are being visited by a Predator drone programmed to comfort the bereaved.

DAVID Cameron mimed a speech on Iran to the audio of an old Tony Blair speech on the need to invade Iraq.

RADICAL Islamic cleric Abu Qatada is to overhaul British Islamo-fascism after being named as the country's  first jihad 'tsar'.

GOOGLE has kicked the Queen squarely in the teeth, it has been confirmed.

A PLOT to blow up the London Stock Exchange suggests that Islamic terrorists now want to do us a favour, it has emerged.

CHIEF Daily Mail space creature Paul Dacre has mind-merged with his martian leader to report that Earth is almost ready for invasion.

AMERICA'S withdrawal from Iraq will be marked by a special civil war as soon as the last helicopter leaves.

MEN with full libraries of SAS books, a selection of balaclavas and a cabinet of replica weapons are to solve the Army’s recruitment crisis, it has emerged. emerged.