Politics

Sunak fans worried he might be a Tory

FANS of ‘Dishy Rishi' Sunak are beginning to wonder if their hero harbours Conservative sympathies.

Sturgeon planning to catapult infected Scots into England

SCOTTISH people infected with Covid-19 will be catapulted into England to help reduce the country’s number of daily cases, Nicola Sturgeon has confirmed.

A stroll around Leeds with Jacob Rees-Mogg

AKIN to the brave colonials who created the blessing on the Earth that was the British Empire, the Conservatives are sallying forth to open a headquarters in Leeds.

Trump optimistic after massive injection of bleach

DONALD Trump is being injected with a litre of bleach which will cure his Coronavirus.  

Priti Patel's latest insane ideas horrible voters will love

PRITI Patel has been criticised for a plan to put asylum seekers on Ascension Island. Here she sets out some more ideas to appeal to mad and vindictive voters. 

How to hold a socially distanced cocaine party, by Michael Gove

JUST because the world is in the grip of an accelerating pandemic doesn’t mean you can't have friends over to snort a little sherbert. Just follow these rules:

Six reality-denying reasons Brexit is going really well

IF you have a tenuous grasp of facts and reality then Brexit is going great guns. Here are six deluded reasons why we’re totally smashing the process of leaving the EU.

Your guide to Rishi Sunak's f**king confusing Job Support Scheme

RISHI Sunak has replaced furlough, which pays you for doing nothing, with the Job Support Scheme that pays you for doing less. But how does it work? 

The things about Britain's shit trains that won't be changing, by Grant Shapps

RAIL franchises are being scrapped, but rest assured you’ll still be getting the shitehouse train service that is every Briton’s birthright.

You're ruining this for me

DO you know how long I’ve wanted to be prime minister? My whole life. And I finally get here and what happens? You, the British people, seem determined to ruin it.