Politics

UK law now opt-in

BRITISH law now only applies to you if you ticked the box when you were filling in the form, it has emerged.

Eight specific and limited ways of breaking the law in certain very tightly defined circumstances

THE Government has announced it will break the law to do something it wants to do. When can you do the same?

Gatherings outlawed but f**k the law, Covid surging but back to the office, don't see family but go the pub with strangers

DOWNING Street has confirmed that for every policy it is introducing the opposite policy so nobody knows what the f**k they are doing ever.

Priti Patel to make not reading Daily Mail an act of terrorism

PRITI Patel has vowed to make failure to read the Daily Mail a terrorist act punishable with life in prison.

Rees-Mogg 'would get his nuts kicked on a daily basis in real world'

IF Jacob Rees-Mogg was not an MP he would be subjected to daily assaults by his co-workers and random people, experts have confirmed.

Johnson vs Starmer: Who would win in a variety of combat situations?

JUST for fun, let’s imagine Boris Johnson and Keir Starmer could physically kick the shit out of each other instead of having increasingly irate exchanges at Prime Minister's Questions.

Five free things Rishi Sunak could fob the public off with next

EAT Out To Help Out’s success proves that Britain can be bought off with anything halfway free. Here’s what Rishi Sunak should try next.

Boris Johnson's personal trainer's fitness diary

AS personal trainer to the prime minister, I’m painstakingly logging his journey from obesity to good health. Here’s the story so far: 

Child inspired by Boris Johnson to be a lying adulterer when he grows up

A SPEECH by Boris Johnson at a primary school has made a child want to follow in the footsteps of his new hero.

Amazing man can see week into England's future by watching Scottish news

AN incredible prophet can see a week into the future of England by watching the news on BBC Scotland.