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THE World Cup is here five months late, so why not express your belief in your country in an aggressive manner by wearing a replica kit 24/7 from now until mid-December?

Did you know? The raven that was tapping on Edgar Allan Poe’s door was originally a penguin, but that wasn’t scary so he changed it.

RETURNING to consciousness in a prison cell, a fresh gash on my forehead and my kneecap sore as if repeatedly and vigorously applied to a groin, I recall how I came here.

THE public perception of me as all work and no play couldn’t be more wrong. Here’s how, when not leading England into an evil football tournament, I let my hair down.

TWO months ago, Kwarteng announced free cash for the rich. Tomorrow Jeremy Hunt will demand money with menaces from the middle-classes. But what about the poor?

NEVER do anything in the bedroom you’re not comfortable with, especially if it’s having sex lucid. Not only will it happen, but you’ll remember it for years to come.

Porthleven is heaving with tourists all summer and in winter harbours nothing but locals who resent anyone who hasn’t lived here for 400 years and/or comes from further north than Truro.

You’re a water sign, like one of those yellow Caution: Wet Floor one in shopping centres.

WAKING with a start, I find myself looking up at familiar rafters. I am in Westminster Abbey, lying on a slate altar, and a queue of luminaries are paying their respects.

SIX years since the world lost David Bowie, are we ready to admit that the bulk of his career was a pile of crap?