Animals

Five movie dogs that put your piss-lazy hound to shame

EVERYONE thinks their beloved pet dog is special. Although the lazy little bastard hasn’t achieved even half as much as some of these famous dogs. 

Family watching TV trying to ignore dog eagerly licking itself

A GRIM silence gripped a family as they tried to concentrate on an episode of Doctor Who while ignoring their dog furiously licking its own genitals.

Six birds that could totally take you in a fight, by Chris Packham

THEY might not have arms but birds can still hand your ass to you. Naturalist Chris Packham reveals which of our feathered friends would f**k you up one-on-one.

The five worst dogs to get you chatted up in the park

APART from companionship, the main reason people get dogs is so that strangers chat them up in the park. Here are five breeds that definitely won't get you laid.

Goldfish and four other completely shit pets

OWNING a pet can be a loving, fulfilling experience that lasts for years, unless you choose from one of these utterly shit pets.

The dog walker's guide to pissing off other pedestrians

ARE you worried you’re not annoying enough people while walking your canine chum? Our handy guide will put that right.

I'm a British fish, and I'm seriously f**ked off

JACOB Rees-Mogg told Parliament yesterday that fish are better and happier for being British. Well, I’m a British fish, and I’m properly f**ked off. 

Best part of having a dog is when it runs away and you have to chase it for hours, say dogs

DOGS believe that the best thing about owning them is when they make you search for them for hours in dense woodland.

It all went to shit when Paul the Octopus died, scientists confirm

PAUL the psychic octopus was the only thing standing between humanity and catastrophic disaster, scientists have confirmed. 

Dead hamster immortalised as answer to password security question

A DECEASED hamster will live on in memory after becoming the answer to a password security question.