Bitch-ass birds flying south for winter

THE more pathetic and cowardly species of birds have already started flying to warmer climes for the winter, it has emerged.

Hamster banging on about wheel PBs

A HAMSTER who is obsessed with running in his wheel will not shut up about his PBs, it has emerged.

Couple heartbroken that dog enjoyed kennels

A COUPLE are devastated that their beloved dog had a great time during his kennel stay and cannot wait to go back.

The big bastard that stares you out: House spiders rated by scariness

HOUSE spiders come in all shapes and sizes but have one common purpose, which is to scare the shit out of you. Here are the top five in descending order of fearsomeness.

Dog concerned owner doesn't turn round three times before having a shit

A DOG has expressed alarm after noticing his owner fails to do a strange little ritual before taking a shit.

The train, and other places that make seeing a dog 10x more exciting

THE only thing better than seeing a dog is seeing a dog in a place you didn’t expect so you can say to whoever you’re with: ‘Look, a dog!’ Here are the most thrilling locations.

Cockapoos nine percent more middle-class than labradoodles, experts say

HAVING a cockapoo is fractionally more middle class than having a labradoodle, it has been confirmed.

Dog hoping for threesome with man's other leg

A DOG busy humping a man’s leg is hoping the other leg will join in, he has confirmed.

Brighton seagulls higher in food chain than humans

BRIGHTON-BASED seagulls outrank human beings and regard them as prey beneath them on the food chain, it has emerged.

Chihuahua: tiny, mean and easy to sit on. The worst breeds of dog ranked

PEOPLE in the UK are obsessed with dogs so they never admit when they’ve accidentally chosen a shit breed. Here are five of the worst.