'Why do you make a mockery of me?' asks dog given pyjamas

A DOG has expressed dismay at being made to wear human clothes on the grounds of it being ‘cute’. 

Hearing the word 'walk' is our cocaine, dogs confirm

A DOG who just heard its owner say the word ‘walk’ appears to have snorted a mountain of high-quality cocaine.

Your guide to Britain's f**king weird relationship with animals

BORIS Johnson is in the shit over the Kabul dog airlift, but the whole thing is symptomatic of Britain’s confused view of animals. Here are some of the strange things we do.

Five dog breeds your mum can't quite remember the name of

YOUR mum loves dogs so much she can never remember what they are called. Which breeds is she describing here?

Five movie dogs that put your piss-lazy hound to shame

EVERYONE thinks their beloved pet dog is special. Although the lazy little bastard hasn’t achieved even half as much as some of these famous dogs. 

Family watching TV trying to ignore dog eagerly licking itself

A GRIM silence gripped a family as they tried to concentrate on an episode of Doctor Who while ignoring their dog furiously licking its own genitals.

Six birds that could totally take you in a fight, by Chris Packham

THEY might not have arms but birds can still hand your ass to you. Naturalist Chris Packham reveals which of our feathered friends would f**k you up one-on-one.

The five worst dogs to get you chatted up in the park

APART from companionship, the main reason people get dogs is so that strangers chat them up in the park. Here are five breeds that definitely won't get you laid.

Goldfish and four other completely shit pets

OWNING a pet can be a loving, fulfilling experience that lasts for years, unless you choose from one of these utterly shit pets.

The dog walker's guide to pissing off other pedestrians

ARE you worried you’re not annoying enough people while walking your canine chum? Our handy guide will put that right.