Animals

PEOPLE get obsessed with their pets, to the point that they require everyone they know to believe the bullshit they’ve made up about them. Like this.

A DOG has expressed dismay at being made to wear human clothes on the grounds of it being ‘cute’. 

A DOG who just heard its owner say the word ‘walk’ appears to have snorted a mountain of high-quality cocaine.

BORIS Johnson is in the shit over the Kabul dog airlift, but the whole thing is symptomatic of Britain’s confused view of animals. Here are some of the strange things we do.

YOUR mum loves dogs so much she can never remember what they are called. Which breeds is she describing here?

EVERYONE thinks their beloved pet dog is special. Although the lazy little bastard hasn’t achieved even half as much as some of these famous dogs. 

A GRIM silence gripped a family as they tried to concentrate on an episode of Doctor Who while ignoring their dog furiously licking its own genitals.

THEY might not have arms but birds can still hand your ass to you. Naturalist Chris Packham reveals which of our feathered friends would f**k you up one-on-one.

APART from companionship, the main reason people get dogs is so that strangers chat them up in the park. Here are five breeds that definitely won't get you laid.

OWNING a pet can be a loving, fulfilling experience that lasts for years, unless you choose from one of these utterly shit pets.