Animals

Dog owner satisfied with picking up most of turd

A DOG owner is satisfied with the job she did of picking up 70 percent of a sh*t and leaving a good-sized chunk on the pavement.

Dog horrified to see his turd on Facebook

A GERMAN shepherd was shocked to see the massive shit he did on his morning walk plastered all over the local Facebook community page.

Cats to be main food providers post-Brexit

DOMESTIC cats are set to provide over 50 per cent of British meals in the event of a no-deal Brexit.

Staffies Britain's favourite dog 'that's not normally like this, you must have provoked him'

BRITAIN has voted Staffordshire bull terriers their favourite dog to barely have the strength to restrain while they bark frenziedly at a stranger.

Cat described as a 'fur baby' starts looking for new owners

A CAT that is used as a substitute child would like to live with some humans who are not mental, he has confirmed.

Midges and wasps can just f**k off, says Attenborough

SIR David Attenborough has called for new measures to protect wildlife ‘except wasps and midges who can just fuck off’.

Cat confusingly pauses fight for grooming session

A CAT paused a vicious fight to groom itself for some reason, according to eyewitnesses.

Cat briefly considers not being utter tosser

A CAT has very briefly considered not being an utter bastard.

Dog horrified to discover owner is low-ranking beta male

A DOG has been shocked to discover his owner is not a pack leader but a lowly subordinate.