Alcohol

A MAN discovered that, contrary to convention, Monday morning is actually a far better time to drink than Friday night.

A MAN who is too young to know what a bad hangover actually feels like thinks he is experiencing one.

A COMPLETE bastard enjoys nothing more than explaining what a wasted dick you were the night before.

QUITTING alcohol for a month will bring huge health benefits, but what about the damage it will do to your weekends? Count the cost here.

THERE were times in primary school when your teacher was clearly suffering the after-effects of a rough night - you were just too young to notice these tell-tale tricks.

THIS weekend marks the official end of Britain’s relaxed, airy summer drinking and the beginning of a hard winter of grim-faced serious drinking.  

DRINKING three glasses of red wine a week is good for your health, according to new research. Functioning alcoholic Donna Sheridan gives her misinterpretation:

A PISS-TAKING bastard of a mate will always order a large glass of white wine when it is your turn to get a round in, he has confirmed.

POPPING the local for one? Prepared to overhear the most appallingly lunatic conversations ever?

SOME hangovers don't fade away by the end of Lorraine, or lunchtime, or even early evening. Here's how they progress: