Alcohol

Tell Dry January to go f**k itself by winning a case of Daily Mash beer

Win one of two cases of our limited edition Daily Mash beer, created in collaboration with Northern Monk, in our quiz about the three prime ministers of 2022.

How to regain your dignity after ordering a half

FEELING like a worthless, pathetic weakling after ordering half a pint? Start rebuilding your dignity with these tips.

The smug prick who didn't drink last night, and other people you'd like to wish a shitty new year

KNACKERED, hungover and miserable after a mammoth drinking session last night? Here are the sober bastards you’d like to wish a very horrible new year.

Head hurt

HEAD hurt, head throb, skull f**king splitting in two being hacked at with rusty axe, nation confirms.

Buck's fizz and other Christmas drinks that basically don't count as booze

CHRISTMAS has a wonderful range of drinks that are completely acceptable to start drinking from 9.30am. Here are some of the finest.

Christmas Eve tipple turns into all-night session

A FAMILY who opened a bottle of prosecco for Christmas Eve have descended into a raucous night of heavy boozing.

How to navigate a pub full of twats from school

VISITING your parents for Christmas? Chances are you’ll end up in a pub with old schoolmates either in the same boat or who never moved away. Get through it.

Collecting your glass when there's still beer in it, and other annoying things pub staff do

FANCY a pleasant night out at the pub? Prepare for it to be marred by bar staff doing annoying shit like this.

Man invoices employer for how much he'd have drunk if he went to works do

A MAN unable to attend his office Christmas party has invoiced his employer for the amount he would have drunk if he had.

Alcohol-free gin, and other drinks that should make you get a grip and have a Diet Coke

ARE you blowing cash on pointless nonsense like alcohol-free gin when you may as well just have a Diet Coke? You’ve probably bought these others too.