Alcohol

GETTING pissed in the pub is beginner shit. Advanced drinkers should head to these places where it's weird to get half-cut, but still possible.

A HUNGOVER woman is attempting to put together what happened last night using clues left in her home in the manner of a crime scene investigator.

THEY think they’re a cut above an ordinary boozer but the drinks on offer suggest otherwise. Here are the abysmal concoctions your local bar dares to call cocktails.

A COOL new bar has chosen to make its interior so dark and noisy that you are unable to look at or talk to people in it.

A MAN has maximised his drinking efficiency by sticking strictly to Monday-Thursday, leaving his weekends free for more rewarding pursuits.

BEEN out for a few bevvies? You have a number of options for disturbing your partner’s sleep when you finally stumble home.

HAVING a night out with your middle-aged mates? Expect these arseholes to turn it into a complete f**king nightmare.  

A MAN thinks all the staff at his local pub knowing his name makes him a well-loved neighbourhood face rather than a probable alcoholic.

A VITAL research project where scientists drank beer and had sex with partners of below-average attractiveness has proved beer goggles to be a myth.

A MAN is lavishing attention on his hangover and giving it everything it could possibly need no matter what the expense.