Business

SECURITY company G4S has revealed its solution to their Olympics staffing shortfall – Enforcement Droid Series 209.

SAVERS in Britain, Germany and France are taking their funds out of the banking system and putting them into tulip bulbs.

THE UK's banks have provided a major boost to the economy by creating a third of a million jobs for professional blame-takers.

THE Bank of England inadvertently sanctioned the manipulation of interest rates because it thought Libor was a powerful disinfectant.

Public comprehends words 'dude' and 'Bollinger' in otherwise mysterious event.

A TOUCHING, big-hearted bread advert was made by a group of arrogant cocaine users, it has emerged.

THE collapse of Clinton Cards could leave the UK’s easily-amused community unable to express its banal thoughts, it has been claimed.

A SNEAKY old bastard was last night attacked by people who have made a career in politics.

FORGOTTEN social network Myspace is to stage a comeback by using the version of Facebook that everyone thought was absolutely fine.

SPECIALITY bakers across the country are struggling to cope with a record demand for horribly racist cakes.