Business
John Lewis bonus paid in garlic presses and glass paperweights
JOHN Lewis has announced that its 17% staff bonuses will be paid in the form of non-essential household accessories.
Britain to continue cupping bankers' testicles
BRITAIN will oppose an EU ban on gently warming the testicles of bankers.
British Gas to hire 1,000 trainee bastards
BRITISH Gas will take on 1,000 young people over the next three years and teach them how to be unremitting bastards.
The Mash Guide to Working From Home
WORKING from home is great - it's almost like being free.
Royal Mail launches letter-burying service
THE Royal Mail is offering to bury the heap of marketing bullshit it would otherwise put through your letterbox.
Abattoirs to get funky makeover
BRITAIN'S abattoirs need more contemporary styling, it has been claimed.
RBS given 390 million hours of community service
THE Royal Bank of Scotland has been ordered to spend 390 million hours performing good deeds as punishment for its part in the Libor scandal.