Business

SWINDON is a hotbed of unbridled lesbian sex, the town's borough council claimed last night.

BRITAIN'S leading postman and his long-standing colleague last night exchanged vicious insults in an acrimonious split over proposed strike action.

GREGGS the baker last night assured its customers it would never ever judge them.

STUDENTS can have Windows 7 irritate the shit out of them for a reduced fee of £30, Microsoft has announced.

BLACKPOOL'S  tourism industry can be saved if the rest of the United Kingdom is reduced to charred, smouldering rubble, it was claimed last night.

THE BBC has begun dismantling Robert Peston in the clearest signal so far that the recession is over.

ACROSS the UK the search has begun for a business that is socially useful.

PLANS to cut-off the internet connections of people who share films and music have been branded an attack on the basic right to steal other people's property.

THE number of years Britain's unemployed will have to wait for their next job has been slashed from nine to eight, after an unexpected surge in business confidence.

YORKSHIRE Ripper Peter Sutcliffe has begun digging for oil beneath his Broadmoor cell in the hope of bribing the authorities into letting him go.