Celebrity

A COLD-HEARTED turncoat has consumed a slice of toast with Lurpak instead of remaining in front of the TV for updates about the Queen.

AS autumn arrives, the time has come to reflect on the bizarre crushes you’ve allowed yourself a wank to during this turbulent year.

HOLLYWOOD heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio is back on the market, but have you passed too many of life's milestones to date him?

LORD Sugar, an unbiased impartial BBC employee and billionaire business wanker, details the pointless bullshit he fills every day with.

THE British monarchy, which has survived almost 1,000 years of beheadings, revolts and wars, is in crisis after anodyne statements by a boring actress.

THE £400 fuel rebate will be helping not just the poor but the super-rich get through winter. Here’s how they plan to spend it.

CELEBRITY children are accused by poor people of only earning their money through family connections. But that's just sour grapes. Here are some who clawed their way to the top through sheer hard work.

THE Cambridges are moving their family to Windsor to live a low-key life in a listed four-bed home in private grounds. Here’s how their lives will be as bog-standard as yours from now on.

STRUGGLING to care about the official birthday portrait of Prince George? Learn how to give a toss with these tips.

BRITAIN’S tabloid newspapers loved Princess Diana. The Sun, the Mirror, the Mail and Express formed a ring of steel around her. Unlike the evil BBC.