Celebrity

EVERY publication of record in the UK must have plans in place for when the inevitable happens. Here is how the Daily Mash will observe the tragic loss of Mr Blobby.

THE Duke of Cambridge has denied allegations that he privately briefs the media in a private briefing to the media.

THE Duchess of Sussex has humiliated herself, the Royal Family and Britain by doing things that would have been charmingly whimsical if Kate did them. 

HI, I’M Tinie Tempah, and like every man I’m always looking for ways to make my penis seem, and feel, bigger. Check these out.

THE Queen missed yesterday’s Remembrance Day parade because she had sprained her back dragging soiled mattresses into a lay-by, it has emerged.

SOME celebrities get right on the nation’s tits, and these have mercifully shut their gobs for a bit. But when will they be back?

WHEN I started out in comedy, hitting someone with a fish or pretending to be a camp gay man was the height of hilarity. Now people have stopped finding me funny and the only explanation can be ‘woke’.

CAPITOL riots, January 7th? Called it mate. I also predicted these events but decided to just let them happen.

A WOMAN who is a year younger than actor Timothée Chalamet still feels like a raging nonce for fancying him, she has admitted.

NOT all bears are created equal. Some are stone f**king cold dudes, and others are the unloved frontman for Children in Need.