Celebrity

EVERYONE in Britain would be happy if David Attenborough and the Queen eventually became a couple, it has been confirmed.

THE Queen earns 40 per cent less than Prince Philip despite being the British monarchy’s major draw, it has emerged. 

STEPHEN Hawking’s life has reminded everyone that the universe is actually pretty interesting.

THE blood of more than 400,000 lizards has cascaded over Meghan Markle on the altar of an underground church to make her Royal forever.

PRINCE Harry and Meghan Markle are to follow their May 19th wedding with a big shop at the Windsor branch of Waitrose.

CAN an American actress ever match the Duchess of Cambridge’s world-leading skill at speaking briefly to members of the public standing behind a barrier?

ONE of Fergie’s kids, the one with the slightly vacant expression, is to marry a spiv, apparently.

6AM: Meet in car park of Morrison’s, Cromwell Road to catch minibus. Sambuca shots.

PRINCE HARRY has warned his fiancée that Christmas will be unusual.

THE royal wedding has been cancelled after Meghan Markle discovered Harry is not actually Ed Sheeran.