War

Gammons already asking why you're not wearing a poppy

RUDDY-FACED patriots obsessed with the war are appalled to see you are not wearing a poppy yet and want to know why.

'We stomped those Nazi bastards flat' says Queen in moving speech

THE Queen has delivered an emotional speech to the nation about the immense joy she and her country felt on f**king the Nazis right up. 

'World War 2 is our Star Wars' say boomers

BABY boomers have confirmed they love Nazis, Spitfires and the Blitz in the same way everyone else enjoys Star Wars.

Brexiter claims to remember fighting World War Two inside grandfather's left testicle

A 49-YEAR-OLD Brexiter has justified saying ‘we’ won World War Two by claiming he remembers the fighting from inside his grandfather’s left boll*ck.

Seagulls and pensioners meet in Eastbourne to finish things once and for all

THE two opposing forces in Britain’s seaside towns have agreed a bloody showdown to sort out who is boss once and for all.

Spiders break truce by entering bedroom

THE spiders living in a suburban house have broken their truce with the human co-occupants by entering the forbidden zone of the bedroom.

Trump has pressed fake nuclear button CIA gave him eight times this week

DONALD Trump has pressed the large fake red button that the CIA told him would set off nuclear weapons eight times this week.

Would 21st century Britain actually beat the Nazis?

BACK in 1945 Britain beat Nazi Germany, with only nominal help from the USA and Russia. And today, there are more Britons who believe they would single-handedly defeat the Nazis then ever before. But would we?

Bring back National Service, say people who've given it f**k all thought

NATIONAL Service in the armed forces should be reinstated immediately, according to dense people who have not thought it through.

Fortune-telling fish desperately hopes its warnings are heeded this year

A FORTUNE-TELLING fish from a Christmas cracker just hopes that this year someone heeds its dire warnings of what is to come.

Woman who finishes friends' sentences on f**king thin ice

A WOMAN who finishes the ends of her friends' sentences is on fucking thin ice, it has been confirmed.

We did it for the moaning reactionary gits, say D-Day veterans

BRITISH soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy for people who like to have a good moan about teenagers and modern life in general, they have confirmed.