THE city of Newcastle has assembled an army to march north and annexe Edinburgh while it is dukeless and defenceless.
BORIS Johnson has promised to use force to defend the Falklands in a retro callback to 1982. But who should we really invade unprovoked to restore our national pride?
RUDDY-FACED patriots obsessed with the war are appalled to see you are not wearing a poppy yet and want to know why.
THE Queen has delivered an emotional speech to the nation about the immense joy she and her country felt on f**king the Nazis right up.
BABY boomers have confirmed they love Nazis, Spitfires and the Blitz in the same way everyone else enjoys Star Wars.
A 49-YEAR-OLD Brexiter has justified saying ‘we’ won World War Two by claiming he remembers the fighting from inside his grandfather’s left boll*ck.
THE two opposing forces in Britain’s seaside towns have agreed a bloody showdown to sort out who is boss once and for all.
THE spiders living in a suburban house have broken their truce with the human co-occupants by entering the forbidden zone of the bedroom.
DONALD Trump has pressed the large fake red button that the CIA told him would set off nuclear weapons eight times this week.
BACK in 1945 Britain beat Nazi Germany, with only nominal help from the USA and Russia. And today, there are more Britons who believe they would single-handedly defeat the Nazis then ever before. But would we?
NATIONAL Service in the armed forces should be reinstated immediately, according to dense people who have not thought it through.
A FORTUNE-TELLING fish from a Christmas cracker just hopes that this year someone heeds its dire warnings of what is to come.