War

America to invade Texas

President Biden has declared war on Texas, vowing to remove its regime of medieval tyranny.

My heart goes out to these poor Afghans who I don't want living next door

IMAGINE fleeing your home in terror, not knowing if you’ll see your loved ones again. But also imagine a load of foreigners living next door, speaking funny and cooking smelly food.

Geordies march north to take Edinburgh while it's dukeless

THE city of Newcastle has assembled an army to march north and annexe Edinburgh while it is dukeless and defenceless.

Seven countries Britain could invade to cheer itself up

THE government is struggling and clearly fancies a nice patriotic voter-rallying war. Who should we invade to restore our national pride?

Gammons already asking why you're not wearing a poppy

RUDDY-FACED patriots obsessed with the war are appalled to see you are not wearing a poppy yet and want to know why.

'We stomped those Nazi bastards flat' says Queen in moving speech

THE Queen has delivered an emotional speech to the nation about the immense joy she and her country felt on f**king the Nazis right up. 

'World War 2 is our Star Wars' say boomers

BABY boomers have confirmed they love Nazis, Spitfires and the Blitz in the same way everyone else enjoys Star Wars.

Brexiter claims to remember fighting World War Two inside grandfather's left testicle

A 49-YEAR-OLD Brexiter has justified saying ‘we’ won World War Two by claiming he remembers the fighting from inside his grandfather’s left boll*ck.

Seagulls and pensioners meet in Eastbourne to finish things once and for all

THE two opposing forces in Britain’s seaside towns have agreed a bloody showdown to sort out who is boss once and for all.

Spiders break truce by entering bedroom

THE spiders living in a suburban house have broken their truce with the human co-occupants by entering the forbidden zone of the bedroom.