Politics

KEIR Stamer’s latest underhand move proves he is playing petty politics with police lives and hang on, I’m out of my f**king depth here.

NOTICE me. Please notice me. Have you noticed me yet? Do I have to take some kind of principled idiotic stand or something?

The first to present me with a gilt-edged Brexit opportunity will in turn be presented with this shiny sovereign. Now, to work!

A CONTRITE, tearful Keir Starmer has confessed that his first Beergate beer tasted so good he opened a second without thought for the consequences.

WE’VE lost control of a few councils. Labour haven’t triumphed but we’re struggling. F**k all that. What does it mean for Britain’s main character, me?

ACHIEVED questionable election results? Not sure how to express yourself? Labour voter Martin Bishop explains how to celebrate.

THE natural voter base of the Conservative party is now Northern shitholes where they would not deign to set foot.

CONSERVATIVE candidates in council elections have reassured voters that Boris Johnson being prime minister was just a terrible nightmare.

A PLUCKY pensioner has endured appalling weather and a lengthy bus journey to use her hard-won vote to deport anyone who is not white.

REMEMBER that bloke who became Tory leader in 2019? He was great. I’d vote for him, and millions of you did. Would I vote for what I’ve become? Not likely.