Politics

BESET by scandals, with a one-year-old and a newborn and no f**king money; Boris Johnson’s life is a self-made nightmare. Could you survive it? Play our interactive game.

THE public and media have been ordered to cease all criticism of the government immediately or they will wake the tiny lovely baby. 

WANT to defend the government even though it’s obvious they’re a bunch of lying shysters? Mindlessly loyal Tory voter Roy Hobbs explains how:

AS Boris Johnson has shown, you never know when a party could strike. There could be one happening in your house right now. Is there?

THE Department for Education has admitted that with the benefit of hindsight Gavin Williamson should have been avoided.

THE new lie told by all the lying f**kers enriching themselves in the name of government is ‘Boris was not there’.

A POSH girl finds it absolutely hilarious that you had a shit lonely Christmas last year while she and all her mates had a big party.

MIDDLE-AGED middle-class affluent recreational class A drug users are your f**king voter base, they have explained to the prime minister.

THE prime minister has promised that his weekend residence will be open to the general public for a mass UK Christmas piss-up in December.

SAJID Javid has said Britons should ‘snog who they wish’ under the mistletoe this Christmas. Here the health secretary explains how he’s snogged loads of girls, honest.