Politics

WANT to hold arseholes to account? No-nonsense Good Morning Britain presenter Susanna Reid shows you how.

DRIVING to Barnard Castle has been overtaken by looking up tractors and being ambushed by porn as the worst excuse you have ever heard.

THAT Keir Starmer? And that Angela Rayner? At it like knives. Well they must be, it’s the only explanation that makes any sense. Let me walk you through it:

ARE you a Tory MP who loves porn so much you watch it in the House of Commons? You’ll enjoy these particular genres…

HARDWORKING, decent men like Boris Johnson are easy prey for any woman with a vagina, as Angela Rayner’s slutty behaviour has proved. A word of sisterly advice, Ang, you’re no Sharon Stone, Michael Douglas more like it.

BORIS Johnson and Rishi Sunak’s plunging popularity could be the result of the media not endlessly sucking their dicks, experts have agreed.

THIS government has lurched from crisis to crisis, all because they were distracted by red-headed Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner crossing her legs.

A CIVIL service co-worker has visited Jacob Rees-Mogg’s desk while he was absent and left him a little message.

A CONSERVATIVE MP has admitted he is delaying the inevitable trip to have Boris, his much-loved golden Labrador that shits everywhere, put down.

MY liege, and England’s Lord, Boris Johnson is besieged by moral and intellectual pygmies. I must don my ancestral armour and joust for his honour. Follow me!