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Let's move to a town so relentlessly dull it has a museum dedicated to carpets! This week: Kidderminster

Everything here has fascinatingly bizarre names. The football team are called the Harriers. The local paper is The Shuttle. The carpet museum is called the Museum of Carpet. Okay, not everything.

Getting three grand compo for a fall in a shopping centre: Sarah Lancashire's greatest achievements

HAPPY Valley star Sarah Lancashire, aged 58, believes that despite the BAFTAs all her greatest achievements are from outside acting. Here are her top five.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

They’ve found the bin Prince Harry talked to on mushrooms and it says he’s cheapened their relationship by discussing it. There’s a photo of it looking very disappointed.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... the twatting Tories' anti-strike laws

WAKING in a police cell, my left sock pulled over my head for some unfathomable reason, I am brusquely informed through the bars that I am being held on a string of charges.

Sushi, sashimi, excuse me if they're bloody different: the gammon food critic goes Japanese

I’M going healthy in 2023. Got to. The doctor’s been unequivocal about it. So I’m only smoking in the pub, I’m cutting the pub to five nights a week, and I’m eating Japanese.

My five promises to the UK are - 'Five promises, five pledges, you are such a Blair fanboy,' my wife interrupts

THEY weren’t five pledges. They were five promises, which is different. ‘Oh my God,’ my wife says, ‘even Liam Gallagher is not as nostalgic for 1997.’

Let's move to a picturesque riverside city that spends winter submerged and uninhabitable! This week: Worcester

A tiny city with an incongruously massive cathedral, Worcester is popular with anglers, canoeists, and fans of seasonal flooding you could set your f**king watch to.

The Archbishop of Canterbury's review of the shitshow year

WAKING in the basket of a hot air balloon, a pastime I enjoy at years’ end combined with the consumption of alcoholic beverages, I realise that the balloon is descending rapidly.

What did I first notice about my beautiful multi-millionaire wife? Her smile

PEOPLE ask me, ‘Rishi, how did you and Akshata meet?’ and it is a lovely, romantic, relatable story about two ordinary people, one of whom is a multi-millionaire.

Kinky Christmas sex presents you'll both pretend you never bought each other

WHO’S naughty? Who’s nice? Whose relationship has become nothing but boringly nice when it used to be spiritedly naughty?