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YOU get one, then an upgrade, then a quick-and-easy handbag-sized one for dates, and suddenly you’ve got a whole battalion of sex toys doing the grunt work for you.

FAST & Furious star Vin Diesel has more hit movies than he has facial expressions, but only if you count all the F&F films separately. Otherwise it’s fewer.

Get real, if there were people riding round cities with big green cubes on their backs in a videogame you’d totally smash them for energy.

WAKING in my bedchamber with an unaccountable headache, I sweep away the empty bottles with a shattering swish of the duvet and attend immediately to my correspondence.

‘AS lockdown fell across the country, the atmosphere in Downing Street was febrile, fertile and charged with lust,’ I read. ‘Good, eh?’ says Boris.

STUDIO Ghibli’s classic continues to delight Guardian readers who ban their precious children from watching Despicable Me. But is the 1988 anime in its own way just as shit?

IN the modern day, women are able to call out patronising, oversimplified explanations of subjects they’re already expert on delivered by men wearing too-tight trousers.

CRAVING romantic adventure, Jo Kramer and Oliver O’Connor completely fucked it up by doing too much online research beforehand. How did meeting IRL disappoint?

You and your wife have your sex tape openly displayed, on the bookshelves, with ‘SEX TAPE’ on the spine. What’s anyone going to do? It’s Betamax.

WAKING following a late evening that turned into a morning followed by an afternoon, I find myself at the wheel of a car that has pranged the gates of 10 Downing Street.