Horoscopes

Ask Holly: I'll challenge Theresa May to a traditional Highland wrestling match

THE worst type of violence that can be visited upon a person is the classic playground wedgie.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) YOU are always looking for people to massage your ego, which is massive progress given that it used to be your crotch.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) Like fellow Taurean Lily Allen, your father is Keith Allen. Sorry. Didn’t know how to break it to you. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) A PET rabbit is no substitute for a real relationship. No, not even one of those really big rabbits. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Time heals all wounds. For example, you can barely remember a thing about Avatar. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) SPLASH out on a massage, restaurant trip, bunch of flowers or massage with happy ending this week. You’ve earned it. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) When you get that feeling, you want sexual healing. And a course of antibiotics.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) Did you know, your star sign is also a variety of potato?! So if you wouldn’t mind checking - yeah, you’re a potato. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Every dog has his day, and it's your dog's day this Thursday. Get his his robe and crown. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP) Celebrity Virgos include Ned Stark, Viserys Targaryen, Robert Baratheon and have you noticed a pattern here? You’re not really in this one long-term.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Those Sky Q adverts are great, really eye-catching and memorable. You’re definitely going to get Sky Q the minute they explain what the f**k it is.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL)

These Friends gifs everyone’s sharing are incredible! They really should put a bunch of them together, add sound and show them on TV.