Bob Geldof's apocalyptic visions for 2014

If you young people thought 2013 was the worst year ever, just wait til you get to 2014.

Single White Lady, by Jane Austen

But there once was a time when Miss Kelly Clarkson looked set to finish me forever.

When to opt out, by David Cameron

Don't get me wrong: the Tory party loves nothing better than a spot of light titillation.

How to build your baby bullshit bunker

THE Daily Mash presents a step-by-step guide to hiding out until the madness has passed.

The Mash guide to surviving the heatwave

THE sun is out and everyone is going to perish - except you.

Her entire fruitloop family is on my case

As Dostoevsky wrote, 'don't do the crime if you can't do the time'.

The Mash guide to pulling a sickie

AS Britain basks in a brief spell of sunshine, work must be avoided by any means necessary.

The Mash Guide to Making Money From Your Spare Bedroom

A SPARE bedroom could cost you £22 a week, so there's no excuse for letting it lie fallow.