Features

BREXIT is now happening despite the fervent wishes of liberal elitists, but need it be so bad? Here’s how to look on the bright side:

CHRISTMAS is a time of goodwill and frivolity. But it doesn’t have to be. Here’s how to ruin it with forced fun.

UNSURE how to vote because you're a lazy bastard who can't be bothered to think? Take our test and have your mind made up for you.

VOTED Labour your whole life? Then, according to the right-wing press, on Thursday you simply must vote Conservative. Here’s why:

ARE you in the top five per cent of the earning population but need to convince everyone you’re struggling to make ends meet?

HELLO. I’m a former trade envoy for the UK and keen golfer, though you may know me as Prince Andrew. But I’m also an expert at getting out of trouble. Try these tips:

PERSONALITIES are complex, or at least other people’s are. Have you defined yours via fantasy stories for children?

JASON Momoa. Actor, Aquaman and all round hunk - but could he sort out the Brexit mess? Probably not, but he is very handsome...

MOVIE Week, Hallowe’en Week, Killing-Time-Until-Christmas Week... There’s no end to Strictly’s crapulent theme nights, as we stomp on through a series that’s a about a month too long and 10 contestants too big. So what sort of Strictly special would actually be special?

YOU might be concerned about the climate crisis but your comfortable, SUV driving, cocaine sniffing mates couldn’t give two sh*ts. Turn them into activists by pretending it’s a stag do.