How to write an article about something stupid if you're an attention seeking arsehole

HI, I'm an attention seeking arsehole and I'm here to tell you how to write an article about something that you don't understand that will get you the attention that you so greedily desire.

4 classic kids' films that could offend idiots

ARE you an idiot looking for a fun family film to ruin by claiming it is prejudiced? Then here are a few classics:

Five ways to completely misuse the phrase 'Dunkirk spirit'

WOULD you like to turn something you’ve totally fucked up into a victory by suggesting you’re just a plucky little underdog? Here’s how.

Will your social media posts get you fired today?

WE ALL love posting on social media, the data-collection system that has somehow convinced us it is for our benefit. But will your posts eventually cost you your job? Take our quiz:

Five anti-ageing tips for people who live in a fantasy world

DO you genuinely believe there’s a way to stop the forces of time and gravity turning you into a haggard, wrinkly old sack of organs?

What to do in a Brexit 'riot'

MINISTERS have warned that Britain could face Brexit riots. Here’s what to do if you get caught up in one.

Nick Clegg's guide to always being the sidekick

HI, I'm Nick Clegg (former deputy prime minister?) and I'm here to tell you how you can be a great sidekick. It's not all just saying, 'great idea, boss' though, that is a fairly large part of it. Let's begin...

The five habits of highly effective time-wasters

DICKING around does not just happen - you have to know your stuff. Here's a five point guide to wasting time like a champion.

The scientifically illiterate person's guide to flu

WITH the flu season upon us it’s important to be prepared with plenty of unscientific advice. Here’s the sort of rubbish your mum comes out with.

The hater's guide to London

DO you hate London for various bizarre reasons and say brilliant things like 'it's not even English'? Here’s what those la-di-da shitponces are really like.