Have you joined a UFO death cult or have you joined the Lib Dems? Take the test...

Who is your leader? A. An ancient, reincarnated demi-God who will lead us to Eternia where we will live in intergalactic glory forever.

Are you a weird Labour MP who’s obviously joined the wrong party?

ARE you an oddball Labour MP who would clearly be more at home in the Conservative Party or UKIP? Take our test...

Four new wellness trends that we've just pulled out of our arses

Do you think throwing your money at some ‘holistic regime’ will make you feel better about life? Then why not try one of these...

Esther McVey's guide to not having the faintest idea what you're talking about

HI, I'm Esther McVey, the former Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, and while you're getting your head round that, I'm going to give you a quick rundown on how to talk about things confidently despite not having the faintest idea what you're on about...

How to have the best of both worlds, by Boris Johnson

PEOPLE say ‘you can’t have it all’. But as a talentless failed foreign secretary openly living with his 30-year-old mistress and who remains favourite to be prime minister, I respectfully disagree.

Have you got enough crap on your hands to use a McDonalds touch screen?

Are you dying to order a burger but worried your hands are too clean? Take the test...

Having five children is fine for middle-class people like me, but not the poor

For me, having five children is an important personal choice, but for poor people it’s just incredibly irresponsible.

How to be a mouthy yob who hangs around Parliament trying to intimidate people

'Nazi' is always a good thing to shout – especially if you yourself are on the far right. It really will prove that you are much cleverer than everyone thinks.

The Victorian urchin's guide to getting through a harsh winter without the NHS

The NHS is so shafted that you can’t rely on it to save you from a cruel winter. Here’s how to survive as if you were one of Fagin’s pickpockets, but much less cheerful.

Will this be the year you achieve even one of your ultimately pointless goals?

IT’S 2019, and you’ve written all the things you hope to achieve in a pathetic Moleskine notebook you bought yourself. But will you achieve even one of them? Find out: