A Scottish guide to Boris Johnson

THAT new 'thing' the English are calling their prime minister is visiting Scotland. Here’s how to prepare youself:

How to dress for your Gammon body shape

BEING a Gammon is tough enough with traitors trying to reverse Brexit, but many Gammons also are not completely satisfied with their body shape.

Another two f**king years of Marvel movies: the essential guide

MARVEL is continuing its successful programme to turn the whole world into pathetic comics nerds. Here’s what you’ll be watching in President Trump’s second term...

Brexit recipes you can make without food

A POST-Brexit lack of recognisable foodstuffs is a culinary challenge, but just follow our simple recipes for a creative approach to not starving.

Would you die for heavy metal? Take the test...

HEAVY metal. We all love it but only the brave few would lay their lives on the line for it. Are you one of them?

Are you angry about some stupid bullshit?

COMPARED to most people in the world, you're wealthy and life is easy. But you still like to make some shit up in your head sometimes and then get angry about it. So let's see how...

What do Prince Archie's feet tell us about the future?

HARRY and Meghan have treated the public to a cherished glimpse of feet. But what does this astonishing photograph tell us about our destiny?

What sort of tiresome Farage-supporting twat are you?

ARE you determined to support obvious chancer Nigel Farage due to your tedious obsession with Brexit?Read our guide to find out what sort of twat you are.

How to build your baby bullshit bunker

THE Daily Mash presents a step-by-step guide to hiding out until the madness has passed.

Why watching snooker all day is better than a spa weekend

THE snooker’s on and some people claim it’s a complete waste of time, but they’re full of shit.