The twat-spotters' guide to umbrellas

UMBRELLAS are a cumbersome and ineffective way for twats to keep their heads and shoulders dry. Here’s what the different types can tell you about the morons who use them.  

How to pretend it’s still summer

SUMMER'S over. Sorry, but it is. If you want to recreate that summer feeling though, try these fail-safe tips.

Are you snorting enough cocaine?

WELL, are you? Let's take a look...

Are you suffering from Corbynism? Try our symptom checker

Do people who are centrists or even slightly left-of-centre make your tummy feel a bit funny?

Which Marvel Superheroes are Britain's politicians?

Arlene Foster is DOCTOR DOOM Like Doom, Foster’s face is covered by an emotionless metal mask and she rules her little-understood nation with an iron hand and sorcery. Will betray anyone who makes a deal with her. 

How to lay the groundwork for a sickie

EVERYONE likes to throw a sickie but how can you do it without getting caught? Let's take a look...

How to waste your 'me time'

FINALLY wrangled yourself some time alone? Follow our handy guide to wasting it and then feeling like right f*cking idiot afterwards.

Five TV shows it's okay to have a needlessly harsh opinion of

DO you need to write a scathing online opinion piece about popular TV shows in a desperate bid for clicks? Here are five easy targets.

What to do when the thing you thought was progressive turns out to be bad

HAVE you just found out that something you thought was cool and progressive is total sh*t? Save face with these damage control tips.

How to write a bestselling novel when you haven't a f*cking clue

HAVE  you always dreamt of writing a bestselling novel even though you haven't the faintest f*cking idea what you're doing? This is how it's done.