Features

How to survive a networking event

HAVE you been forced to attend some f**king 'networking event' by your boss and want to top yourself within two minutes of arriving? Here’s how to cope.

What dickish notes are you leaving for people?

DO you like leaving aggressive notes for people in a variety of situations? Here are some great issues to raise with them in furious scrawled rants.

How to mess up a child by telling them some weird sh*t about where babies come from

A GRAPHIC description of the sex act is wrong, but so is telling them that they were delivered in a blanket by a large bird. Here are some other odd lies parents tell.

Quiz: Are you a functional alcoholic, or just 'fun'?

Are you the life and soul of the party, or starting to feel like death? Take our totally scientific quiz to assess your relationship with alcohol.

Top three dating apps that you'll never get to use because you're married with two kids for Christ's sake

DATING apps can be a great way to meet people and even have crazy, no-strings sex but what are the best ones that you'll never get to use?

Five nostalgic things that were shit if you're honest about it

A BIT of nostalgia is excellent, but are you fondly misremembering things that were in fact total bollocks? Let's find out..

The celebrity’s guide to shagging someone much younger

ARE you a celebrity with lots of money who fancies going out with someone much younger? It’s a great idea that can never go wrong, so here’s how to do it.

Five inspirational quotes for people who don’t believe in spiritual, hippy bullsh*t

WANT to feel better about life without having to repeat wafty nonsense to yourself on a regular basis? Try these instead...

What people say about your child and what they actually mean

YOUR children are just as awful as everyone else's, whatever your friends may be saying to your face. Here’s how to decode the euphemisms they use to describe your offspring.

Yoga or faking your own death? What's the best way to get some peace and quiet?

YOU'RE desperately in need of me-time, but should you go to a yoga retreat or fake your own death? Take the test...