Arts & Entertainment

'The Neverending Story' and other films that are shite on rewatching

BELOVED films from your childhood were never amazing cinematic classic, you were just eight. Upon rewatching, these ones are terrible.

17 unmissable tv shows you can't be arsed with distilled down into one sentence

THERE’S far to much telly and everyone’s always trying to talk to you about it. These 17 shows you’ll never get round to can be summed up as follows.

Only those who walked six miles to Woolworths for a tape appreciate music, say middle-aged

A TEENAGER who can access a whole brand new album without getting out of bed doesn’t really appreciate music, her parents have confirmed.

Björk and other artists who you haven't got a clue what the f**k they're singing about

THEIR music may be great, but thanks to strangulated singing and incomprehensible lyrics, f**k knows what these hugely successful artists are banging on about.

'Keep the tunes coming': six dickhead radio shout-outs

THE radio exists to provide a flow of music and inane chat when an afternoon’s dragging, until Jamie from Morecambe texts in to make it all about him.

Six gratuitously sexy music videos that are nothing more than porn for cowards

WERE you once caught watching one of these videos on your phone? Would it have been less shameful to watch actual filth?

'Do or do not, there is no try' and other bullshit movie lines morons live by

MOVIES are escapist fiction, not a solid basis for your life philosophy, yet halfwits have taken dumb lines of dialogue to heart.

No-one watching Jamie's One-Pan Wonders actually going to cook any of this

NO-ONE  watching Jamie Oliver's new cooking show is actually concentrating on the recipe in order to repeat it at home, viewers have confirmed.

Married At First Sight, and other reality TV shows that clearly just want the best for people

REALITY TV? Exploitative? What sort of monster would unwind by watching others suffer? These shows only want the best for their stars.

The top 10 controversial songs no one gives a toss about anymore

REMEMBER when ‘controversial’ songs caused a tabloid storm and important people like Radio 1 DJ Mike Read had an aneurysm? Here are some that seem distinctly tame now.