Arts & Entertainment

IF the lyrics to any song are even slightly ambiguous, that’s not because the composer was struggling to find rhymes. It’s because they’re about filthy vices.

ONE of the UK’s biggest knobheads will today perform at one of the UK’s biggest concert venues.

A DAZZLED Royal-watching nutter has proclaimed that the Jubilee has proved well worth camping on the Mall and crapping in carrier bags for.

TRYING to have a conversation with an irritating acquaintance? As soon as you hear any of these, brace yourself for a sort of shit mini-lecture.

THESE power tunes by poncey-haired soft metal bands have become stuck in your head and can never be removed. And your brain has decided it’s going to sing along.

THE BBC is bound by law to make a big f**king deal of the Jubilee, so here are six shows it’s shoe-horning the celebration into:

THE Daily Mail’s breathlessly contemptuous coverage of Love Island still answers the key question for its readers: which of the cast are worth a tug in the shed?

DOES a generic love song made to shift units adequately describe your devoted relationship? Is it one of these?

IN movies love is the great solution that saves lives and worlds, unlike in real life where it’s kind of a pain in the arse. These films lie:

A MAN has been asked if he is having a good night in the totally appropriate environment of a piss-soaked club urinal.