Business

DISCOUNTING something that costs £3.85 to £3.55 is not a proper discount and can Waitrose please sort it out, British shoppers have asked.

MARKS & Spencer has reported a massive spike in middle-class twats buying overpriced ready meals and bland clothing.

A MOTHER of three adult children has called them all to say the new one-way system in Next is tantamount to an authoritarian regime.

A MAN is mystified that builders have not returned his calls because he assumes they live in skips wearing filthy overalls desperate for cash-in-hand.

QUEUES outside branches of Games Workshop have reached the two-metre mark as pairs of desperate gamers wait to get inside.

A WOMAN is passionate about supporting local businesses, provided they are not marking products up too much compared to global retail giant Amazon.

WITH shops open again, it’s time for a zombie-like stagger through them for stuff you don’t want that won’t make you happy. Like these:

A COUPLE who decided to shop in Waitrose as a treat have come home and immediately requested a three-month mortgage holiday.

PRIMARK branches around England are besieged by naked Primark customers whose crappy clothing fell apart a fortnight into lockdown.

THAT f**king free trial thing you did last month has renewed for a sum of money you did not want to pay because you forget to cancel.