Business

A WAITROSE within a mile of your home improves your wisdom, altruism and lovemaking by 12 per cent.

BRITAIN has returned to buying clothes from Marks and Spencer after realising that caring about appearances is shallow and worthless.

THE key qualification for being a business leader is the ability to fire people while consuming food.

MEN have confirmed plans to continue going to B&Q on Saturdays, even if it is just to claw at the locked gates.

THE very existence of a new £150k Range Rover is enough to make you want to kill yourself, it has been claimed.

LONDON hotel The Savoy has closed its doors after more than 125 years following a one-star TripAdvisor review.

THE BBC’s new funding plan is based on hiring out Poldark for breeding purposes.

ECONOMISTS have warned that unless immigration is drastically reduced the UK faces the biggest boom since the 1980s.

FOLLOWING Luis Suarez’s brace of goals against Manchester City, employers are to incentivise workers by arranging similar abuse.

REGULATORS have announced a clampdown on unsolicited phone calls and texts from family members.