Health

A 31-YEAR-OLD pinged after playing Warhammer in the Warhammer shop has told everyone he actually visited a cool new nightclub.

TENS of thousands of minimum-wage food industry employees have been fortunate enough to be told they can work through Covid. 

MILLIONS of Britons have carefully weighed the pros and cons of wearing masks and decided ‘F**k it, if we don’t have to, let’s not’.

A MIDDLE-CLASS boy who was not wearing enough sunscreen of a high-enough factor spontaneously combusted yesterday.

WITH nightclubs across England reopening their doors to the public, everyone over 21 has remembered how awful they are.

A TIRESOME moron is calling the last 24 hours until social restrictions lift 'Freedom Day Eve'.

PINGING is Britain’s new craze, with the country going wild for getting an alert on the NHS app and having to self-isolate. But where’s the coolest place for it to happen?

THE government will lift all obligations to observe red lights or wear seat belts as of Monday, no matter the consequences.

A CORNISHMAN with no reason to visit London anytime soon has angrily refused to wear a face mask on the capital’s underground, he has stated.

A MAN who believes the science does not support abandoning Covid restructions from Monday has plans every night next week.