International

DONALD Trump has promised to visit Emmanuel Macron in 'whatever the hell shithole of a country he comes from', the White House has confirmed.

DONALD Trump has been wrongly declaring 'mission accomplished' for decades, according to various women.

THE law of averages means attacking Syria will be a resounding success unlike Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya, Western leaders believe.  

DONALD Trump has expelled 60 top Russian adult movie stars from the US in response to the Stormy Daniels TV interview.

BRITAIN’S post-Brexit blue passports are to be impregnated with the stench of garlic and snails by their French manufacturers, it has emerged.

DAVID Davis is so impressed with his own negotiating skills that he is considering a peace settlement between Israel and Palestine next.

THE prime minister has announced strict new sanctions against Jeremy Corbyn.

DONALD Trump jumped his skateboard over a car but only his cousin saw it 'and you don't know him’ he has confirmed.

THE world is terrified at the prospect of two spoilt, freak-haired idiots becoming best friends.

VLADIMIR Putin has promised that the England squad will be safe from both poison attacks and the second-round at this summer’s World Cup.