International

PRESIDENT Trump has left a 32,000-word out-of-office email message, including discussion of the electoral college and his daughter’s business, for while he is away.

WAITERS across Europe have agreed that there is no need for holidaying Britons to dumbly point at menus because they are always having chips.

THEY’RE lying, they’re bad at it and one in three of them will serve prison time. But who are the people spinning the Trump administration’s web of fiction?

THE defeat of healthcare repeal in the US and the UK’s pathetic Brexit negotiations, has convinced experts that right-wing populist revolutions are f**king useless.

IF Britain strikes a new trade deal with the US, what low-quality food will be on your menu?  

BORIS Johnson has been posted to New Zealand for as long as anyone can justify him being there.

THE government has been urged to secure post-Brexit supplies of courgetti by people who think it is in any way a substitute for pasta.

THE handshake between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin has summoned the Devil, as experts predicted.

NINE out of ten holiday photos will be ruined by some fat-headed arsewit wandering into the frame, it has been confirmed.

DONALD Trump has given Vladmir Putin a mixtape full of his favourite songs about being tough.