Lifestyle

IT’S summer and that means beach time. Yay. Here’s how to look as if you do like to be beside the seaside, even though it’s pretty shit most of the time.

A TEENAGE boy really wants everybody to know he enjoys a toke, it has been confirmed.

PEOPLE turning 40 are being warned that hangovers now include a distressing mid-life crisis that could last for years.

A MEAL was turned into a massive pain in the arse by a man obsessed with splitting the bill fairly.

A SAFETY helmet will not protect a man from the shame of taking up a child's hobby at the age of 42, it has emerged.

PEOPLE who say they or anyone else has “got their smarts” should fuck off, everyone has decided.

A COUPLE with a completely unremarkable semi-detached two-bedroom house still insist on giving guests ‘the grand tour’.

PEOPLE who use a ludicrous number of exclamation marks have refused to write in a less annoying style.

A COUPLE have moved to a small village so that they can enjoy fresh air, long walks, and catching a train to work at an insanely early hour.

A FAMILY that exists in a state of filthy chaos has agreed that it would be great to get a third dog.