Lifestyle

THE only way to stop a disgusting stranger sitting next to you on the train is to be that disgusting stranger. Here’s our guide to ensuring peace and quiet on your journey.

AN older man enjoying a vigorous sex life found it difficult to buy condoms due to using dated euphemisms.

AN already arrogant cat has become totally unbearable after going on a vegan diet.

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple have leapt up at least two rungs on the social ladder by being the first in their circle of friends to buy a fire pit.

ARE you always bumping into wanker neighbours or people you briefly met years ago, leading to stilted banter with long, awkward pauses? Here’s how to pretend you haven’t seen them.

A DOG is feeling the strain of having to compensate for his owner’s lack of personality.

A WOMAN who was aware her bank account was empty was still somehow shocked when her card was rejected.

ARE you planning a holiday that really establishes your middle-class credentials? Read our guide to the most pretentious breaks.  

A CONFIDENT prick actually enjoys spontaneously jerking his body around to music while other people watch, it has emerged.

FLIP-FLOPS are shit. Plastic bags held on with elastic bands would look more stylish and keep your feet cleaner. So what other things could you use?