Old adverts you'd like to have permanently wiped from your brain

WE all know the Shake n’Vac advert was designed to be so dreadful you’d never forget it. But there are plenty more you’d happily have your memory erased to get rid of: 

Could you be as objective and unbiased as Laura Kuenssberg?

BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg, the very fulcrum on which the truth balances, is moving on. Could you be as fantastically impartial?

Q&A: Why has the press turned against this twat they made prime minister?

ARE you baffled by why the right-wing press has suddenly turned against loveable, hilarious ‘Boris’? Read our Q&A for some possible answers.

FREE! Your Daily Mail special all-invective 48-page Meghan Markle hatred souvenir colour special

YES, free with today’s Daily Mail! - a 48-page colour special of Meghan Markle loathing to keep and treasure forever!

Six TV shows that used to be so massive they made headlines

THERE were once normal television shows, as boring as The One Show, that were so popular they made national headlines. Even though it was this shit.

Just say 'woke' once a paragraph: A guide to being a Telegraph columnist

WANT a lucrative job churning out opinions for the Daily Telegraph? Follow this tried-and-tested advice for writing pandering, reactionary drivel.

Five twee stories BBC news will report on instead of Tory incompetence

NEED the scoop on the latest government f**k-up? Here’s the inane shit BBC news will inform you about instead.

A child of the 80s' guide to getting through the ad break

BACK in the 1980s, there was no choice but to sit through an ad break waiting for the show to resume. Here’s how we coped.

Local man succeeds in getting on news

AN unexceptional local man has finally achieved his ambition of appearing on a national news programme. 

Five ways for BBC News to avoid saying 'It's because of Brexit'

BREXIT has been a disaster in many fields, but the BBC are duty-bound not to say it. What are they saying instead?