Media

THE Daily Mail is in panic after even vitriol about the Duchess of Sussex is failing to distract Britain from its imploding government.

BRITAIN’S right-wing newspapers have rallied around to give their support to a pair of inept f**king cretins who know shit all about running an economy.

A WOMAN  prefers watching or reading about horrible acts when they are fictional and not something that happened to a real human, she has confirmed.

THE BBC is hoping no viewers have realised its Royal coverage has been the same 25 minutes of content repeated endlessly for the past six days.

PADDINGTON Bear has railed against the banning of marmalade sandwiches from the gates of Buckingham Palace on GB News.

WORLD events which have nothing to do with the Queen are not to be reported because they are insignificant and impertinent, the British media has confirmed.

THE Mail on Sunday’s souvenir supplement commemorating Elizabeth II is to be so lavish it will fell every tree on the planet, the newspaper has confirmed.

READERS love being riled up by the Daily Mail. And nothing gets them going like stories based on tweets from random nutters. If you want to be a Mail reporter, here’s how to master this vital skill.

THE Daily Mail and Daily Express are to continue proclaiming the greatness of Boris Johnson at every opportunity despite him having no role in British politics.

THIS week’s train strikes are the equivalent of a meteor hitting earth and wiping out humanity, if you’re a TV news reporter. Here’s how to hysterically cover them.