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Society

Picnics even shitter than barbecues

TRANSPORTING food into a field to eat it is a worthless endeavour, it has been confirmed.      

Every copy of the News of the World 'contained tiny microphone'

EVERY copy of the News of the World printed since 1999 contained a tiny, hidden microphone, it has emerged.

Western culture still very much there, say experts

LIBERAL western culture does not seem to have noticed it is under dire threat, experts have confirmed.

Are we doing enough to halt the rise of complete and utter psychopaths?

QUESTIONS were being asked across Europe last night if enough is being done to stem the rising tide of total insanity.

Britain decides not to boycott every last detail of Winehouse death

BRITAIN'S disgust with tabloid journalism was suspended yesterday in honour of Amy Winehouse.

Oh go on, just resign, Guardian tells Cameron

THE Guardian last night told David Cameron that they really thought he would have resigned by now.

Everyone agrees to blame Osborne

BRITAIN last night backed Rebekah Brooks and agreed that this is all the fault of George Osborne.

Daily Mail hacks into the voices in my head, says Dacre

THE Daily Mail has only ever hacked into the voices inside Paul Dacre's head, the paper's editor confirmed yesterday.

Are you scared yet?

BRITAIN spent last night staring at the ceiling with its duvet clutched tightly under its chin.

Met chief 'had no idea Champneys was a luxury spa'

FORMER Metropoltan Police commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson 'had no idea' Champneys was a luxury health spa when he agreed to go there for a three week-long freebie.