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Society

Third of 11 year-olds cannot draw recognisable penis

RECORD numbers of primary school children lack the basic skills to draw a serviceable cock and balls, according to new research.

Littlejohn engorged by your hate

DAILY Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn was in the throes of a powerful erection today as millions of people subjected him to a fresh batch of hate.  

Southerners reluctant to eat fruit picked by northerners

FRUIT picked by northern people would have to be washed at least three times, southern people said last night.

Cowell Changing UK Law At Will

SIMON Cowell has announced early release for prisoners who pledge to buy One Direction's debut CD, as he begins to overhaul Britain's statute book.

Britain to sort it all out with a good fight

A MASSIVE, countrywide fist fight could be the solution to Britain's problems, experts believe.

Britain finally realises it doesn't need students

BRITAIN is to abolish its 900 year-old university system after finally realising it is a complete waste of everyone's time.

Morbidly obese cat dies of adorable heart attack

PHOTOS of an obese cat in the throes of an endearing fatal heart attack have proved a huge hit on social media.

Wha Gwarn Mi Bredrin, Police Tell Black People

POLICE are stopping disproportionate numbers of ethnic minorities purely so that they can act 'street', it has emerged.

Paid Sterilisation Extended To People Who Still Like Glee

A PROGRAMME of paid sterilisation is to be extended to people who are still watching Glee.

William Hints At A 2011 Royal Dumping

PRINCE William has fuelled speculation that an official Royal dumping could come as early as next February.