Society

COUNCILS across England are to be offered incentives to collect rat-filled bags of putrefying meat and devastating viruses more often than once a fortnight.

MILLIONS of iPhone users were totally told off by their boss after their favourite toy in the whole world forgot to get them up for work.

BRUTAL Eurostar commandants last night forced a mother-of-two to make an agonising choice between her offspring.

BRITAIN'S media has been urged to go into its study with an old service revolver after the Daily Telegraph had to trick Vince Cable into revealing Lib Dems and Tories don't get on very well.

THE lifting of the ban on openly gay US troops will mean people being killed by tank commanders who are listening to upbeat euro pop, experts have warned.

MINISTERS are to launch a consultation on whether they are supposed to be clearing away all this snow that seems to be everywhere.

A LANDMARK EU court ruling could propel Ireland headlong into the middle of the 19th century.

A POST office could be forced to close unless 83-year-old Roy Hobbs accepts that he doesn't have the correct documents to renew his car tax.  

STUDENT activists have warned politicians that they are prepared to unleash 90s crusty-rock favourites The Levellers in their battle against reality.

FORMER defence secretary Bob Ainsworth was today accused of backing the legalisation of drugs so that he can feed his insatiable desire for psychedelic freak-outs.