Society

UNIVERSITIES have decided that they would like to make more money rather than less. 

THE promise of a 'flash mob' has lured thousands of annoying people to their timely deaths, it emerged last night.

THE idea that people could do good things without religion is a child's fairy story, Christians have claimed.

MOST people in Britain would prefer not to work a day in their lives, according to new research.

THOUGHTFULNESS is on the increase across the UK with some people taking almost four seconds to choose a Mother's Day present, it has emerged.

THOUSANDS of heads were exploding across Britain today as people tried to work out which Daily Mail story was a hoax.

ENRAGED people may be forced to return to their slightly depressing lives unless they can find a new cause, it has emerged.

THE closure of record shops is exposing the general public to the borderline humans that worked in them, it has emerged.

BANNING cars from UK town centres would rob urban Britain of its most attractive feature, it has been claimed.

THE Metropolitan Police have vowed that next month's royal wedding will be a glorious pageant of tear gassed wonder.