Society

MIDDLE class families face no longer being able to use child benefit to buy wine, it emerged last night.

A CHILDREN'S helpline has been bombarded with calls from youngsters claiming their parents are excluding them from impromptu afternoon cocktail sessions.

TOURISM chiefs have unveiled a new guide reminding Britons not to just punch people who are here on their holidays.

THE Association of Chief Police Officers has been criticised for a radio advert which encouraged neighbours to report single, permanently hungover young men who live knee-deep in their own filth.

COUNCILS will be paid for every newly-built box they cram into your town and then fill with thousands of 'people' who are all exactly the same as each other.

EXPENSIVE, lengthy stag trips are usually organised by some total prick who won't leave you alone for five minutes, according to new research.

THE first television advert for abortion advice has done exactly what it was supposed to do, the Advertising Standards Authority has confirmed.

BRISTOL Palin is the daughter of her ex-fianceé Levi Johnston, it has emerged.

THE new maze in London's Trafalgar Square will include some areas that have not been occupied by a foul-mouthed, Glaswegian vagrant, officials have pledged.

CONSUMERS should be able to choose whether or not they want to buy a useless, second-hand car and leave it rusting in their driveway, a crazy right-wing think tank has claimed.