Society

AN East Sussex vicar has been found guilty of worshipping a bogus deity for the last four years.

HEALTH professionals should tell patients they are 'nutjobs' rather than 'Daily Mail readers', the public health minister has claimed.

BRITISH Muslim women should trade their Burkas for the jeans, blazers and incongruous hair favoured by the hosts of Top Gear, it was claimed last night.

BRITAIN'S craziest, half-blind, octogenarian heart surgeon was looking forward to returning to work last night after the government abolished retirement.

BRITAIN'S experiment with 24-hour drinking would have succeeded if the country was not filled to the brim with the worst people in the world, it was claimed last night.

FIFTIES-STYLE sexpots with dirty laughs and enormous bangers are ideal role models for young women, according to the government's equalities minister.

GOVERNMENT plans to scrap speed cameras were last night welcomed by middle-aged men who believe themselves to be excellent drivers.

THE GCSE science syllabus is to include ideological indoctrination and extremist violence, Ofsted has confirmed.

A STUNT involving a terrified parachuting donkey left children disappointed by the lack of death, it emerged last night.

SHARING interminable, exaggerated anecdotes about drug experiences should be a criminal offence, it was claimed last night.