Society

SOCIAL networking sites like Facebook and Bebo are infantalising the human brain and encouraging instant gratification, short attention spans and ooh, look, a funny cat picture.

GAIL Trimble, the University Challenge juggernaut, is to be burnt as a witch, it has been confirmed.

POLICE forces across the UK are looking forward to cracking dozens of middle class skulls this summer, a senior officer said yesterday.

PARENTS who complained about a one-armed childrens' TV presenter will have their own very special corner of Hell, Satan confirmed last night.

SUNNY Delight, the orange substance, has been defeated in a blind tasting against a new Indian soft drink made from cow urine.

A SCHOOL headteacher has resigned after voodoo parents demanded the right to withdraw their children from assemblies that included juju.

AS the country faces a fresh wave of Arctic blizzards, Britain is being urged to tap into its massive spunk reserves. 

CUTS in school music budgets could lead to a cataclysmic surge in Coldplay, Ofsted has warned. 

THE corpse of legendary entertainer Al Jolson is to be exhumed and given a right good slap, it emerged last night.  

PARENTS reacted angrily yesterday after it was revealed they had been forced to spend all day with their children for no reason.