Society

SEX and the City is totally empowering and totally feminist – but in a good way, fans of the show said last night.

BRITIAN will arrive at work this morning dressed in nothing but its underpants, following the latest decree from Robbie Williams.

STRONG tea is to be reclassified as a category B drug, home secretary Jacqui Smith announced last night.

BORIS Johnson is to ban Scotsmen from the London Underground in a bid to make the Tube more bearable for everyone else.

FAT men are being urged not to bare their breasts in public this summer, as it emerged they were not attractive to women after all. 

THESE puppies are absolutely adorable, it was confirmed last night.

EVERYONE'S hair is now shiny, manageable and full of body, the United Nations has confirmed.

WORKERS in offices have been ordered to stop defecating on each other’s computer keyboards. 

THE editor of Masochism Today has welcomed a government crackdown on kinky porn and demanded that a cheese grater be dragged across his testicles for breaching the new regulations.

TEENAGE boys across Britain are celebrating after discovering a successful method of marking time between energetic masturbation sessions.