Politics

BORIS Johnson has confirmed he will only end his premiership when every single one of the UK’s 65 million citizens has personally told him to f*ck off. 

BORIS Johnson has been beaten by the supreme court like a f**king gong at dinnertime, it has emerged.

BORIS Johnson will not resign if found to have lied to the Queen or about the other thing when as Mayor he gave cash to one of his shags. But what would make him?

ARE you a Brexiter unable to stop howling about democracy despite not knowing how it works? Here’s how to be a shouty, ill-informed w**ker.

THE prime minister is searching the whole of Britain to find a location he can visit without a member of the public tearing him a new ars*hole.

THE supreme court has decided that it will hear expert legal advice from the Mail Online comments section in today’s prorogation hearing.

REVIEWERS of David Cameron’s new memoir For The Record have confirmed that its index has no entry for the word ‘pig’. 

BORIS Johnson's hulk metaphor has been welcomed by Brexit supporters who are not stupid and knew exactly what they were voting for.

DAVID Cameron’s memoir has left the nation reeling with the revelation that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove are a pair of twats.

FORMER prime minister David Cameron sleeps in a crypt which contains no reflective surfaces or timepieces.