Politics

ARE you unsure who the mysterious political svengali Dominic Cummings is? Here’s everything you need to know about the man who appears to be running Britain.

THE prime minister’s has declared that he would marry Wales, f**k Northern Ireland and kill Scotland.

DEAR householder, this leaflet outlines the various preparations that British citizens should make for a No-Deal Brexit. Page 24 unfolds into a free human remains pouch.

WE’RE going to be a ‘can do’, optimistic nation, according to Boris. But have you got what it takes to make Britain great again, or are you a treacherous doubting weasel? Answer these questions.

BORIS Johnson has replaced the entire cabinet with fanatical Brexiters who have sworn a blood oath of loyalty to him. What the f*ck and who the f*ck? 

ARE you the sort of dense or uninformed voter who still thinks Boris Johnson will be a really good prime minister? Read our guide to what sort of gormless Boris fan you are.

THERESA May is to formally resign as prime minister then run shrieking like a banshee through 80 miles of wheat, it has emerged.

BORIS Johnson is Britain’s prime minister, and the first 24 hours of his premiership are crucial. But how will he spend them?

BORIS Johnson is giving serious consideration to chatting up the Queen with an eye to giving her one, he has confessed.

IAIN Duncan Smith is to return to government as the Secretary of State for Creeping Up Behind You.